Your best discussion right now is the paragraph on “My Papa’s Waltz.” Here, you go into good detail about why the image is affectionate, supporting your reading well by showing how careful Roethke is with his word choice. In the second sentence, you’re talking about multiple “mothers” (plural, rather than possessive), and therefore you don’t need the apostrophe. You write, “While some churches continue to be active in the community, many have placed their focus elsewhere” to start heading us in the direction you’ll be headed, but consider really PUSHING this idea.
There is no “best time” to get feedback on a piece of writing.
In fact, it is often helpful to ask for feedback at several different stages of a writing project.
To give a sense of the type of critique I offer, I have pasted examples of feedback I have sent via e-mail to students who contacted me with drafts for which they desired comments.
Typically, I meet with students face to face to discuss their work, but I find e-mail to be an essential supplement to office meetings.